Dreams come true or “60 past 60”

I’ve given a lot of thought as to whether or not to write this post, but I have come to the conclusion that I have a message that deserves to be heard. The reason for my hesitation is that, in some very significant ways, I have been extraordinarily fortunate in my journey to making my personal dreams come true. (Sometimes the house just deals you an ace at the most unexpected moment.) But on the other hand, I truly believe that what I have learned has applicability for almost anyone in almost any situation. As I use to say to my career counseling students at Harvard (a fortunate bunch if ever there were one, although there are always moments at the age of 20 that seem on the verge of utter hopelessness), “If you’re not tied down to a gurney with an IV tube and two broken legs, you probably have some choices that are just much better than others.”

I have categorized the “dream realization sequence” into five stages. (Of course I have – I always put things into boxes or chapters or find paradigms that explain them. Chaos is really not my strong suit.) And so without further ado, here they are:

1.) First, Step One requires that you must HAVE a dream, and by that I mean a genuine waking dream, not a sleeping dream. I remember a while back, ten years or so, when I was peri-suicidal (not a joke; really was; had a plan; told closest friends) and I didn’t have any dreams at all. I couldn’t seem to come up with anything that made any sense or held any promise or allure. (You’ll probably quickly recognize this as depression; it has been the life-long monkey on my back.) And I remember a friend writing to me in this bleak period and saying something along the lines of, “Wouldn’t you rather die in a gutter in New Delhi than not have tried to engage yourself in some way?” And that’s when it hit me. I really really really really did want to travel, and specifically, to travel extensively in Europe, maybe even live there.

2.) Then, *and this may in fact be the most important step of the whole process,* Step Two requires that you have to TRULY BELIEVE that this thing is within your grasp during this lifetime. And that you deserve it and that you will appreciate it fully. You basically have to give yourself and the universe the permission and the invitation for this dream to assume a genuine reality in its own right.

3.) Step Three’s challenge is to DO SOMETHING CONCRETE about that dream and in its pursuit as often as possible. And these need to be actual useful things with outcomes. Watch a video, buy a key ring, look at travel websites, buy a pair of slacks in the desired size, start studying Greek, something, anything, that on a regular basis reminds and inspires you towards your dream and moves you an itty bitty closer to it. It doesn’t matter precisely what you do – it really is the sense of intention and recognition that makes you feel actively engaged in the realization of your dream, even if at a very early stage and even if in very small ways. “Bird by bird,” as Anne Lamott has said so well. Just do it.

4.) As you move forward toward your goal, the ante goes up, of course, sometimes WAY WAY up. Step Four requires that you dedicate a significant portion of your resources to the realization of the dream if required (and of course it usually is). This, naturally, can mean money. And time. And effort. And relationships. And uncertainty. And anxiety. Maybe you have to go back to school, break up with someone, give the cat away, sell the trailer, stop getting your hair colored, whatever it is. In my case specifically, I quit my job, sold my condo and furniture, and moved to another city. I was at a stage in life where this was possible, but just to give you an idea of the scale.

5. And finally, Step Five requires that you understand that whatever you, however perfectly you achieve your goal, your dream, no matter how happy you are, how you would do it again in a heartbeat, there will be a price. As my favorite professor in divinity school, Dr. Bessie Chambers, used to say, “Everything has a price. Everything.” The price might be physical distance, a lower standard of living, loss of status, less security, or strained relationships, and of course, the list goes on and on. I would be surprised if anyone brought their dream to reality without having stressed a number of the threads that keep us woven in society. Realizing a dream often means stepping out of the traditional paths and patterns, and others, even one’s closest companions, will not always (or even often) be happy about that. Many have said to me, “Oh, I could never do that.” Well, of course they could, but they probably won’t, and on top of that, they probably think I’ve taken a few too many stupid pills along the way as well. (Thankfully, all our journeys are ours alone.)

So I made it, dear Reader, I made it through the Looking Glass into my new life. I have and plan to continue traveling extensively in Europe, and at the moment it looks like I’m good to keep living here for a while, thanks to all the saints in heaven and earth, particularly one angel with the initials TW. I have died and gone to heaven; I have walked through the door at the back of the closet and found myself in Narnia. “60 after 60” means I set myself the goal of seeing 60 new cities in Europe after I retired from full-time teaching; I have as well seen some old favorites again which ups that number. It sounds incredible, insane perhaps, even to me and yet I did it. Some places were in the pursuit of research on the book that just keeps getting postponed; some were as part of the pen world I now inhabit; and some were just spontaneous weekend hops because they were there and I was bored. My top recommendations are: Leiden and Utrecht in the Netherlands; Vicenza and Torino in Italy; Wroclaw and Bydgoszcz in Poland; Vilinus in Lithuania, Ljubljana in Slovenia, and Hamburg and Berlin in Germany (of course).

In conclusion, I raise my glass to your dream coming true – or as much of it as humanly possible. Courage, dear reader, and know that I offer my support under your wings.

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3 Responses to Dreams come true or “60 past 60”

  1. What a profound roadmap to achieving dreams. Many thanks.

  2. Kim says:

    A most thoughtful and useful approach from you, no surprise there. We hope to have that ace dealt but forget all of the hard work before and after (or often, rather than). Then sometimes the card is a joker! My computer screen each morning reads “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (from a Mary Oliver poem). Some mornings this is inspiring, sometimes challenging, and sometimes overwhelming. But like you I am seeing the world one trip at a time, and occasionally writing a nice poem.

  3. I realized this had disappeared from my inbox and lo and behold just dug it out of the trash — no idea how it got there! Wanted to to tell you how much I appreciated your sage advice. I live vicariously through you, as I’m sure you know. Yes, I could sell everything and hit the road, which certainly has its allure. But at some point in my old age I’d need to put down roots somewhere, and by that time, my wanderlust most likely would’ve eaten up my finances. Since the thought of dying in a New Delhi gutter (or any other gutter, come to think of it) doesn’t actually appeal to me, I’ll most likely stay put in Portland and travel as much as I can within my resources.

    Speaking of which, my pending trip back over the pond no longer needs to happen in February, despite the divorce of Alaska and American on March 1st. Had a lengthy chat with an Alaska agent a couple days ago and it turns out federal regulations stipulate that American has to honor any reservations made up to March 1st, even if travel takes place after that date. The only issue is, American is withdrawing a lot of their overseas flights from Alaska mileage plan people, so I can’t tarry in figuring out my travel plans. I’m Now looking at April/May, after it warms up a bit over there and hopefully before the madding tourist crowds materialize (especially in Portugal). Not sure how extensive my trip will be yet. Thinking maybe about staying mostly in the southern end of Europe — wanna meet me in Lisbon or the Algarve, San Sebastián, Aix or Avignon, the Cinque Terre or somewhere else in Italy? Keep me posted.

    xoxo

    >

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