I’ve given a lot of thought as to whether or not to write this post, but I have come to the conclusion that I have a message that deserves to be heard. The reason for my hesitation is that, in some very significant ways, I have been extraordinarily fortunate in my journey to making my personal dreams come true. (Sometimes the house just deals you an ace at the most unexpected moment.) But on the other hand, I truly believe that what I have learned has applicability for almost anyone in almost any situation. As I use to say to my career counseling students at Harvard (a fortunate bunch if ever there were one, although there are always moments at the age of 20 that seem on the verge of utter hopelessness), “If you’re not tied down to a gurney with an IV tube and two broken legs, you probably have some choices that are just much better than others.”
I have categorized the “dream realization sequence” into five stages. (Of course I have – I always put things into boxes or chapters or find paradigms that explain them. Chaos is really not my strong suit.) And so without further ado, here they are:
1.) First, Step One requires that you must HAVE a dream, and by that I mean a genuine waking dream, not a sleeping dream. I remember a while back, ten years or so, when I was peri-suicidal (not a joke; really was; had a plan; told closest friends) and I didn’t have any dreams at all. I couldn’t seem to come up with anything that made any sense or held any promise or allure. (You’ll probably quickly recognize this as depression; it has been the life-long monkey on my back.) And I remember a friend writing to me in this bleak period and saying something along the lines of, “Wouldn’t you rather die in a gutter in New Delhi than not have tried to engage yourself in some way?” And that’s when it hit me. I really really really really did want to travel, and specifically, to travel extensively in Europe, maybe even live there.
2.) Then, *and this may in fact be the most important step of the whole process,* Step Two requires that you have to TRULY BELIEVE that this thing is within your grasp during this lifetime. And that you deserve it and that you will appreciate it fully. You basically have to give yourself and the universe the permission and the invitation for this dream to assume a genuine reality in its own right.
3.) Step Three’s challenge is to DO SOMETHING CONCRETE about that dream and in its pursuit as often as possible. And these need to be actual useful things with outcomes. Watch a video, buy a key ring, look at travel websites, buy a pair of slacks in the desired size, start studying Greek, something, anything, that on a regular basis reminds and inspires you towards your dream and moves you an itty bitty closer to it. It doesn’t matter precisely what you do – it really is the sense of intention and recognition that makes you feel actively engaged in the realization of your dream, even if at a very early stage and even if in very small ways. “Bird by bird,” as Anne Lamott has said so well. Just do it.
4.) As you move forward toward your goal, the ante goes up, of course, sometimes WAY WAY up. Step Four requires that you dedicate a significant portion of your resources to the realization of the dream if required (and of course it usually is). This, naturally, can mean money. And time. And effort. And relationships. And uncertainty. And anxiety. Maybe you have to go back to school, break up with someone, give the cat away, sell the trailer, stop getting your hair colored, whatever it is. In my case specifically, I quit my job, sold my condo and furniture, and moved to another city. I was at a stage in life where this was possible, but just to give you an idea of the scale.
5. And finally, Step Five requires that you understand that whatever you, however perfectly you achieve your goal, your dream, no matter how happy you are, how you would do it again in a heartbeat, there will be a price. As my favorite professor in divinity school, Dr. Bessie Chambers, used to say, “Everything has a price. Everything.” The price might be physical distance, a lower standard of living, loss of status, less security, or strained relationships, and of course, the list goes on and on. I would be surprised if anyone brought their dream to reality without having stressed a number of the threads that keep us woven in society. Realizing a dream often means stepping out of the traditional paths and patterns, and others, even one’s closest companions, will not always (or even often) be happy about that. Many have said to me, “Oh, I could never do that.” Well, of course they could, but they probably won’t, and on top of that, they probably think I’ve taken a few too many stupid pills along the way as well. (Thankfully, all our journeys are ours alone.)
So I made it, dear Reader, I made it through the Looking Glass into my new life. I have and plan to continue traveling extensively in Europe, and at the moment it looks like I’m good to keep living here for a while, thanks to all the saints in heaven and earth, particularly one angel with the initials TW. I have died and gone to heaven; I have walked through the door at the back of the closet and found myself in Narnia. “60 after 60” means I set myself the goal of seeing 60 new cities in Europe after I retired from full-time teaching; I have as well seen some old favorites again which ups that number. It sounds incredible, insane perhaps, even to me and yet I did it. Some places were in the pursuit of research on the book that just keeps getting postponed; some were as part of the pen world I now inhabit; and some were just spontaneous weekend hops because they were there and I was bored. My top recommendations are: Leiden and Utrecht in the Netherlands; Vicenza and Torino in Italy; Wroclaw and Bydgoszcz in Poland; Vilinus in Lithuania, Ljubljana in Slovenia, and Hamburg and Berlin in Germany (of course).
In conclusion, I raise my glass to your dream coming true – or as much of it as humanly possible. Courage, dear reader, and know that I offer my support under your wings.